Why is Letting Go of the Past So Hard to Do?
You may start wondering: when and how to let it go? This "thing" (or these "things") happened a while ago. Why I am still "holding the grudge"?
Don't worry. It is totally normal for you to feel this way. This is how TRAUMA works.
What is trauma?
Trauma is the natural response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual's ability to cope. Trauma causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes your sense of self and your ability to feel the full range of emotions and experiences.
Trauma can be one-time terrifying events, for example, car accidents, natural catastrophes, sexual assault, acts of terrorism, etc.
Trauma can be prolonged stressors, for example, child abuse, neglect, intimate partner violence, sexual abuse, war, etc.
Trauma can also be a series of "small" events, for example, life changes like a new job or moving; relationship events like divorce, infidelity, or an upsetting personal conflict; life stressors like financial troubles, work stress or conflict, or legal battles. These events may seem "small", but the cumulative effect of a series of these unprocessed "small" traumas may trail a person relentlessly.
What is PTSD?
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by the trauma event— either experiencing it or witnessing.
People with PTSD have intense, disturbing thoughts and feelings related to their experience that last long after the traumatic event has ended. They may relive the event through flashbacks or nightmares; they may feel sadness, fear, or anger; and they may feel detached or estranged from other people. People with PTSD may avoid situations or people that remind them of the traumatic event, and they may have strong adverse reactions to something as ordinary as a loud noise or an accidental touch. (Quote from American Psychiatric Association: What Is PTSD? )
When Should You Contact a Professional?
Recovering from trauma takes time, and everyone heals at their own pace. But if months have passed, your symptoms are not getting better, or/and the symptoms are interfering with your daily life, you may want to talk to a professional.
You may want to seek professional help, if you are:
Having terrible functioning at home or/and at work
Suffering from severe fear, anxiety, or depression
Unable to form close, satisfying relationships
Experiencing terrifying memories, nightmares, or flashbacks
Avoiding more and more anything that reminds you of the trauma
Emotionally numb and disconnected from others
Using alcohol or drugs to feel better
How Can I support you?
As an EMDR and IFS trained therapist, I believe that the healing power is within you. Read more on How to Heal the Past?