Work is stressful. But social anxiety adds more stress to work.
People with social anxiety face specific problems in the workplace. They may not be able to network effectively. They may not know how to build and maintain relationships with coworkers. They may avoid attending business social events in fear of being judged. They may have good ideas but hesitate to speak up in the meetings...etc.
If these problems sound familiar to you, you probably are experiencing some social anxiety at the workplace.
Signs of Social Anxiety
Fear related to social or performance situations is the central theme of social anxiety.
You may have an overwhelming fear of:
Being judged by others in social situations
Being embarrassed or humiliated -- and showing it by blushing, sweating, or shaking
Accidentally offending someone
Being the center of attention
When in social situations, you may experience some physical sensations like:
Rapid heartbeat
Muscle tension
Dizziness and lightheadedness
Stomach trouble and diarrhea
Inability to catch a breath
"Out-of-body" sensation
You may also experience emotional reactions like:
Feeling of inadequacy
Feeling of inferiority
Being self-conscious
Embarrassment
Humiliation
Worried thoughts
Depressed mood
You are not alone.
Social anxiety disorder is the third largest psychological disorder in the United States, after depression and alcoholism.
It is estimated that about 7% of the population suffers from some form of social anxiety at present. The lifetime prevalence rate for developing social anxiety disorder is 13-14%.
tips for managing social anxiety
As you may realize, you need some quick and easy ways to deal with social anxiety at the workplace.
You cannot wait to put all the fear behind, because you still have work to do.
Here are some quick tips for you to manage social anxiety at work:
Relax
As neurologist Jill Bolte-Taylor found, the lifespan of an emotion is only 90 seconds!
"When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there's a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop."
But, when was the last time you experienced a 90-second feeling of social anxiety?
Almost never! You got trapped in the emotional loop. You are anxious about the anxious feelings.
Next time when you experience the same old anxious feeling at work, you can make a conscious choice to relax.
You can take the 30-second Stop, Drop and Breathe break at a meeting, or before going to a networking event:
Stop. Just stop. Stop everything you're doing.
Drop your agenda. Just for this moment, let it go.
Breathe. Take three deep breaths to calm yourself, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth.
The Stop, Drop and Breathe break helps you press the pause button on the reactive self.
You can also try the one minute Square Breathing Exercise. By doing so, you are using the breath to regulate the physical reactions towards the anxiety.
Observe
When you feel more relaxed and calm, simply observe the anxiety by asking yourself the question: what is happening inside of me?
You can call on your natural curiosity—the desire to know the truth, and then turn your attention inwards.
You might ask yourself: What most wants attention? How am I experiencing this in my body? What am I believing? What does this feeling want from me?
You might notice the intense fear and helplessness, then discover a sense of unworthiness and shame underneath those feelings.
Say hello to these uncomfortable feelings. Unless you bring these feelings into awareness, they will continue controlling your experience in social situations in the background.
Facing Your Fears
Not speaking up at a meeting, declining a networking event, or avoiding an happy hour with coworkers, may reduce your anxiety at the moment. But you may feel regret, depressed, ashamed, and lack of confidence afterward. Worse, continually avoiding social situations can severely limit your career development.
Gradual exposure to social situations will help to reduce the anxiety and emotional reactions that you associate with them. You can build a fear ladder made up of small steps. Then, start with the least scary situation and repeatedly engage in that activity until you start to feel less anxious doing it. Once you achieve an activity with little or no anxiety, celebrate your victory and move on to the next thing on your list.
Say if you are worried about asking questions during meetings. Your fear ladder may look like this:
Making a comment after a meeting with a few close co-workers.
Making a comment after a meeting with a few close co-workers and other co-workers.
Making a comment during a meeting.
Asking the supervisor a question after the meeting.
Asking the supervisor a question after the meeting with other co-workers present.
Asking questions during meetings.
If you stay in a social situation long enough, or continue engaging in an social activity, your anxiety will actually start to reduce.
This is because anxiety takes a lot of energy and at some point it “runs out of gas”.
The longer you face something, the more you get used to it and the less anxious you will feel when you face it again.
Dora Dui Chen, LCSW, Anxiety & Trauma Therapist
Dora is a bilingual/bi-cultural (Mandarin Chinese) psychotherapist offering therapy services to individuals and families in California. She specializes in supporting clients manage life stress and worry, heal emotional wounds, and find their true selves. Learn more about Dora’s services here.